I was just thinking today that it has been 10 years since I’ve been in any relationship that I considered “serious.” There have been one or two since then where the other person was more invested then I was, but naturally they didn’t really last long enough to be of any consequence in my mind, more miscommunications then anything else. Since college the dating I’ve tried to do and people I’ve meet has been minimal, usually in spurts corresponding to the seasons. I have a fairly busy life that is for the most part satisfying and I wouldn’t say that I am unhappy. Some of my single friends seem to be in similar situations.
When I meet someone I’m interested in I find myself asking if they are “worth my time,” since that is really what is most valuable to me. Is the time spend with them enjoyable or would I rather be doing something else. I guess this is a normal state of mind, wondering whether you want to put forth the extra effort for that person to try and make them feel like they mean something to you.
Most of the women that I have been interested in, like myself, have their own full lives and they seem relatively satisfied. The impression that I get is that we are looking for the same thing, something extra. Something that is work the extra effort, the extra time necessary for foster its growth. I don’t have to define “something,” hopefully we’ve all felt it at some point. Coming to the table with this mindset is almost like shopping with a value per dollar out look. You’ll spend more for an item if you think you will really enjoy it and/or you will get more use out of it compared to a cheaper version. When interacting with somebody new I find myself balancing how much of myself I want to give them before I move on. How much of a chance should you give them?
The view of relationships that I me come up against is a load of people looking for their “soul-mate,” one of the few people in the world that you are truly “meant” to be with, one of the few people that you can truly be yourself with and feel happy. I’ll confess that this whole lot is part of my rosy romantic out-look as well. If you are satisfied with your single life and don’t have any hang-ups about extramarital physical relations, they the incentive that you have to commit yourself to a person is that you truly want to be with them. The end result though seems to be that there are bunch of people out there who dip their toes in a bunch of different pools and occasionally do something that they regret the next morning.
I guess I have reached this nexus in my mind where the same society that encourages you to look out for yourself, to be happy, also forces you in to a long-term interaction with an individual that might be be in harmony with self preservation/gratification. Some people’s hands are forced if they have the desire for a family or just need to be in a relationship. For those of use who have found other ways of being satisfied it all comes back to finding the right person.
When ever I start to get close and really interested in someone one of us seems to just stop trying to spend the extra effort, be it intentional or not. It’s as of she is thinking that she’ll go along with the ride if I am doing the driving, her effort is minimal. The tune is different, but it’s the same age old dance. With me finishing my thesis in the next 8 months maybe it’s time to leave my dance card on the bed stand for a while.
